The Spiritist Review - Journal of Psychological Studies - 1862

Allan Kardec

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Friendly relationship between the dead and the living ones

Spiritist Society of Alger, medium Mr. B…

Q. Why do we feel embarrassed in our conversations with the Spirits of persons that were very dear to us, an embarrassment that we would never feel when they were alive? – A. Because you are material and we are not any more. I will make a comparison that, like all others, will not be absolutely exact but it will be enough to explain what I mean. Suppose you fall in love with a woman, like in one of those novels, that only the romantic writers are capable of creating while to us it does not differ much from what we know in the infinity of spaces. Let us continue with the supposition. After having had the ineffable happiness of speaking and seeing her every day a given circumstance happens where you will no longer see her and that you must be content for being able to hear her. Do you believe that your love would resist without any significant reaction to a situation like that, prolonged indefinitely? Be honest with yourself that it would somehow be shaken or diminished. Let us continue. You not only cannot see that beautiful companion but you can no longer hear her because she was kidnapped. You are not allowed to get close to her. Now you extend this situation for a few years and you will see what happens.

Let’s continue with this line of thinking. Imagine now that the woman that you loved is dead. She has been buried in the darkness of the tomb for a long time now. A new change happens in you. I do not mean to say that the passion is over but what I mean to say is that it has at least been transformed. It is such that if, for a frightening moment, you were able to see the woman for whom you cry so much and not as a hateful spectrum that rests in the cemetery but with the form that you loved and cherished her so much, are you sure that your first impression before the apparition would not be that of profound horror? As you see, my friend, the passions and vivid affections are not possible in their full extension but among creatures of the same nature like among living worldly beings and among the Spirits. I do not mean to say that your affection is erased with death. I say that it changes with nature and takes on another form. In a word I want to say that in your world you keep a good memory of those that you loved but the material world in which you live does not allow you to understand or practice a love that is not materialized and that such a kind of love is naturally impossible between you and us, thus making you feel awkward and cold in your relationship with us. If you still need to be convinced just read again some Spiritist conversation among relatives, friends and acquaintances. You will find it so cold that it could freeze the inhabitants of the arctic. We do not do that willingly and that does not make us sad as long as we are sufficiently elevated in the Spiritist hierarchy to notice and understand it. However, it is unavoidable that it may have some influence on our behavior towards you. Do you remember Hanifa’s story who was able to communicate with her dear daughter that she missed so much, asking her this first question: Is there a treasure in this house? What a nice mystification she received! That one was not stolen.

My friend! I believe I have said enough to explain the causes of discomfort that necessarily exists between you and us. I could have said more. I could have said, for example, that we see all of your imperfections and the impurities of your body and your soul and that in turn you are aware of what we know. Confess that this is embarrassing to both sides. Put together two lovers inside this glass box where everything is out both morally and physically and you can then imagine the result.

As for ourselves, driven by a feeling of charity that you cannot understand, we are to you like that good mother to whom the filth and the ailments of her crying child that keeps her awake do not allow her to forget even for a moment her sublime maternal instincts. We see you weak, ugly and bad, however we love you and do our utmost to help you advance. You are not fair, though, since you fear more than you love us.

Désiré Léglise,

Algerian poet deceased in 1851


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